...between what i want and what i think my hubby wants.

i want to be supportive - i'm so happy in my job that i want him to be as happy with his.

but i don't know if i can deal with the things that the job he wants would entail, and the sacrifices that we'd have to make.

i thought that we could finally get back to getting to know each other...the last few years have been pretty rough...i want our marriage to take priority. i don't know if we even know how to put each other first. or what the other wants.

i don't think that i can do three months or more without him around.



Back, back, back to schoooooooool...

That was me channelling Michelle Pfeiffer. Grease 2, baby.

Saw Grease 2 first, which totally ruined the first for me. How could Olivia Newton-John compare with Michelle Pfeiffer? Don't get me wrong, I loved ONJ in Xanadu [Mom even bought me the satin roller-skating jacket, which i wore until it frayed off my body], but the Brit in Grease 2 was WAY cooler than John Travolta. And the soundtrack ROCKED.

Oh yeah.

All this to say that I will not be going back to school this fall. And it's a little weird. Usually in the fall I'm ramping up, planning lessons, ordering music, kissing free time goodbye. But, being 2 days out from closing a crazily busy summer, I'm winding down...going in to work a little later, feeling a little less stress. Awesome. In some ways I miss the kids already - their willingness to work, (in full force in September, much harder to come by come April...) their silliness. But I'm excited to have this opportunity to try something different, knowing that I can go back to teaching should this not work out.

But I'd be pretty heartbroken should this job not work out. It's pretty cool.

So this week is just for tying up loose ends from the season, working on the fall projects, and thinking about the auditions in November. Plus several concerts (if I didn't feel so damn old, I'd go to all of them shows this week...Lyle Lovett, Steve Miller, Bruce Hornsby...already missed Chris Isaak because I was too tired to drive to work.) this week, and a day off at the end. Aaaahhh. Time to start really cleaning the house. You know it's bad when I'm looking forward to bleaching the hell out of something. My fingernails are shot, but my house is sparkly.

And the best part is that it's starting to feel a little bit like fall... time to turn off the ac and throw the windows open. My faorite time of year.


on the prowl...

we're on the quest for new digs!

i love house hunting.
when else are you allowed into a stranger's home to see how they live?

with folks you know, you're usually visiting to see people. when house hunting, you're looking at their stuff and their lifestyle and crown moulding and basements, and can actually say out loud "wow, and they did that on purpose?" without worrying about getting cut from the christmas card list. it's a combination of being totally nosy, and loving to daydream about how different life would be in new surroundings.

(no matter that it'd probably be just about the same with nicer appliances... )

we moved several times when i was a kid. not because we were a military family, but because my mom could only go steady with a house. When they popped the question, (i love you, sue. -kneeling- will you....by me a new refrigerator? shore up the roof?) she always broke up with them. fickle, fickle woman.

and, while i totally HATE moving, there is something totally fabulous about liberating yourself from years of amassed crap. Move it or toss it? if you have to ask, TOSS IT. Aaaaaahhhhh. love that.

so now we're looking. and surprisingly it's harder than we thought it would be because we are now old enough to have some big demands of the housing market:
1. close to our jobs.
2. room to accomodate family and a little blogger w/in the next few years.
3. can only cost fifty-two cents. maybe fifty-three.

a few weeks ago we looked at a lovely bungalow...lovely until we got the the 2nd floor and Hubby couldn't stand up straight. (for once, being a shrimp came in handy!) looked today way, way out of town....i don't mind living in the country, but i'd like it to be nice, like a little retreat. So many of the houses we saw are right on top of each other, and they all look the same...

and because both Hubby and i come from modest backgrounds, we just can't in good conscience spend money we don't have. still paying off school, trying to be fiscally responsible adults. t'ain't easy. bleah.

looking isn't as much fun when you can't find what you're looking for.

or, more accurately, you can't afford what you're looking for.

anyone want to



I know that, at one time, I had a life... I must've had a life, with friends, and clean clothes and large quantities of bad tv and good ice cream... a life that did not revolve around rehearsals and plane tickets and trucking companies and hissy fits. I will remember. I WILL REMEMBER!!!

Wow, what a summer! {I shouldn't use past tense...it's not quite over yet...} Hugely gratifying, fun, exhausting some days. It's a real joy to work with people that I respect and like, and it's made the long hours and the drama {OH, the drama.} totally doable. It's been exciting, and fulfilling in a way that teaching never was.

I will miss the energy, the art, the fun when all of these wonderful folks scatter next week. They're a great bunch.

That being said, I am quite excited that things are winding down. Usually at this time of year I'm ramping up...mourning the end of summer vacation, preparing for classes, trying to get out of town one more time before life gets too crazy. But this fall things may actually be a little easier. A little more breathing room. Some time to get re-acquainted with Hubby. Aaaaa...boy am I looking forward to it!