meditation sucks...

...because before you can get to the enlightened state you have to work through all of the icky, hard-to-wrap-your-mind-around stuff. I've actually never made it to the enlightened place... I've only made it to the really pissed off and frustrated place. Exercise, humming, none of it works. Sometimes a glass of wine or five works, but I don't usually remember the questions or the answers the next morning.

But here I am, trying to take stock of some big questions, and to separate out what I want from what I don't. As well as what I have control over from what I don't, which is really probably the bigger issue.

I can't control that hubby is unhappy with his job. And I can't really help with his process, other than being supportive and praying that the solution lets us stay in this town. But he's unhappy, and when daddy's unhappy, ain't nobody happy!

I'll add that to the karma pile, and try to do enough good stuff for others that it'll turn itself around and he'll find something fun and challenging. (Thanks for the tip, Earl.)

And, I'm sure like every childless woman whose friends are all pregnant or mothers, I'm struggling with this whole thing. Biological clock, yada yada. Every weekend is baby weekend, which would be totally awesome if I had kids. But when things aren't quite working out as you'd planned, it's just not as fun. To be totally honest, if it was working out right now it'd probably stress hubby out even more, so maybe I should just be patient.

And there's the rub: patience. These things will totally work themselves out in time. I just need to relax and have a little patience, right? I know that's true, but why is it still so damn hard?

deep breath....

OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM................

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