weird.

It's been a strange day.

A lovely day, please don't get me wrong. Beautiful weather, good health for everyone, fun plans, good friends...really, an A-One kind of day.

But the day started at 5am with an alarm that really should've been silenced. It was followed by sleep in fits and starts. And in those naps and dreams, I dreamed about my father. For only the second time since his death...

But this time, rather than delivering a missive, he just spent time with me. We were lost and confused (at a county fair or country racetrack or English mansion...it was hard to tell), but together. And the togetherness made the uncertainty OK.

And I think that's what I'm missing. To be black and white about it, things were OK when my dad was around because I knew that we'd all figure out the solution together. And now we're - I'm - missing a vital piece. Not that I can't figure things out, but it takes more thought, more second guessing than it did when I could just pick up the phone...it's more difficult.

We had dinner with friends this evening, and it was K's dad's birthday. K's dad has been gone for a few years, but it's still a present loss, like my own. But it felt nice to get together with them, to cook for them and chat, to toast K's dad's life. I hope they felt loved...even if what we have to offer is a pale comparison to familial love.

So I'm searching for connections this evening...and really, isn't that what we're all searching for, all the time?

Thankful for:
  1. good, warm, onion-and-garlic spiced memories
  2. wine-stained rocking chairs
  3. weather that's warm enough to sit outside, but cool enough to conk out all of the mosquitos
  4. time to think
  5. supportive family and friends

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