Part of my job description is to be helpful. Well, not in so many words, but part of being a team player is taking care of your teammates, right? And at this time of year, we have many, many teammates (and it's second half of the game and we are all tired). Being helpful is also part of being a good friend...heck, of just being a friend. Of being a quality human being! Being helpful, relevant, makes me feel good about my place in the world.
After a strong start this morning, however, my efforts have been totally stymied. I find work and personal relationships on unsteady footing, surrounded by accusations, defensive language and a marked inability to imagine more than the worst-case scenario. Believing the worst in people seems to be the easiest thing to do.
I'm to blame as well - I'm as capable of snap decisions as anyone, perhaps even more so. Good people make snap decisions. Knee-jerk reactions are just that - highly emotional, non-rational, narrow-field-of-vision decisions.
But I am terribly nostalgic for the good days in the classroom(and certainly not all days, but the good ones), believing the best in my students and colleagues. Believing that we'd make the right choices, that we'd shore each other up. That we'd give others the benefit of the doubt. That we'd forgive mistakes.
I know it's mostly a product of my own fatigued mind that these are even problems. But I'm feeling raw, heavy in a non-waistline kind of way tonight. And so I'm going offline for a while.
- My boys.