12.18.2011

December is a bad neighborhood. In my head, that is...

So, I'm in the middle of the usual holiday paradox. Lots of fun Christmas parties coupled with job stress (not mine, thankfully, but someone whose stress I tend to wear like a bad wig.) equals lots of home stress and foregone invitations. 

i know...our faces are gonna freeze that way...
Actually, December is not being terribly friendly, on the whole. Difficult work situations (with managers and tenors...shocker!), insufficient daylight, a lingering almost-cold that allows me enough energy to go to work, but then makes me fall into bed as soon as is seemly. (8:30pm is seemly, right? Pretend I'm 8...it works.)  And 4am? I know we're now besties, but I'd love to quit you for a few days. When I do sleep, I'm having crazy, CRAZY, (like whoa crazy) dreams. I remember them vividly, but can't figure out the through-line or if there even IS a through-line. And today? My plumbing BLEW UP. I now have zero usable showers in my home. (Although on the flip side, I'm glad we have a gym membership with good showers and good product. You don't have to give me as wide of a perimeter...) Plus, my gifting creativity has totally dried up, and my Christmas gifts totally stink. Aaaand I'm not even finished shopping. Boooooooooo.

On the positive side, I'm running like it's going out of style. 8 miles this Saturday morning, and that's before 9am. (EIGHT MILES. My heart rate monitor said I burned over a thousand calories. Why yes, I WILL have an ice cream sundae! Or FIVE! And don't be stingy with the caramel....) I'm pretty proud of it, even though I'm ashamed to say that I can't keep up with my usual gym workouts because I'm officially too wimpy. Weird paradox, that. I've been trying to do nice, random things for people. And, to be honest, it totally makes me feel better. I'm also lucky to have some really great folks who let me bitch and whine to them. I'm super grateful to have them.

But I'm not feeling like work or life are things I'm excelling at recently. And I feel like I'm saying no, spewing more toxicity into the world than I want to. 

This must needs stop. 

But how?

Rather than just trusting that, when the calendar rolls to 2012, it'll all be better, I'm trying to suss out what changes I want to make. I'm trying to take an honest look at where I am, what I have, what I want, and where it all intersects. 

It'll be a Venn diagram of epic (well, to me at least) proportion. 

Now if I only have the courage to start...

My five:

  1. Fleece- and feather-lined everything. As much as I love wool, it's not really my pal.
  2. Meeting mom's new neighbors - can't wait! 
  3. Great stories. This one was wonderful. And I'm loving this one, too. 
  4. Hats. I can hear my neighborhood sigh in relief when I cover up my bedhead before walking the dog in the morning. 
  5. Christmas lights. And even though the taste police (ahem.) have dictated that we only have white lights, please know, colored-light-people, that your houses and trees look the best BY FAR.

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