Rewired

We're back!

Almost 10,000 miles.
Close to (maybe more than, actually) 1,000 arias.
Six operas (including 2 different casts of Bohéme) in four cities: Fidelio in Seattle; Moby Dick in San Francisco; Carmen in New York; Bohéme (x2), Italiana and Volpone in Houston.

It was a big tour.

For this first time in years, though, I'm not 100% wrecked upon return. It's nice to not be completely exhausted! But I will say that the return to a visually-oriented life is more difficult than usual. I've been so accustomed to relying on my ears - critical listening in the audition room, listening to traffic cues walking around the various cities, depending on my iPhone alarm to get my fanny out of bed - that it's taking me longer to react to visual stimulus. (I know, it totally sounds like hooey. Had I not seen but still almost run three different red lights yesterday while running errands, I would totally agree with you. But the tracks of rubber my brakes laid down speak for themselves... And thankfully so.)

So, I'm taking this opportunity, feeling a bit like a fish-out-of-water, to rewire some of the old connections that aren't working anymore, or that have become defaults. I'm looking for stories, songs, images that comfort, that challenge, that inspire. Suggestions needed and welcomed!

I've also hit a bit of a sticking point: I signed up for National Novel Writing Month, but have hit a rough spot. I don't know what's going to happen next... and moreso, I'm suddenly concerned that what I've written is just bunk, and it'd be ok if I just ditched it.

(Would the world stop turning if I shelved it? Nope. Do I need to finish it? MOST DEFINiTELY.)

I realize that I'm wanting to step away from it because there's a part of me that wants it to be Good, and it's not. Now, my rational brain knows that the first time you do ANYTHING you're likely going to totally suck. But my cowardly heart would rather not take the path than take it and fail. And my desire to be more creative is all the more terrifying having tried and failed to make a living at performing.

(I have family members who are living various aspects of this...I do not want to add my name to the list.)

But, the final word is that its something i need to do, to be able to look at myself in the mirror. So, if you have any words of encouragement? Pep talks? Hell tough love is appreciated. Send it my way - I could use any and all of it.

And, because I'm so amazingly needy? If you reply I will happily return the favor...pep talks, homemade pierogi, voice lessons, a curated playlist or book-of-the-month club. Name. It.

Feeling pretty thankful this evening. Here are five things, in no particular order.

1. Ridiculous glossy magazines.
2. Wool insoles. I had toasty feet, even in my basement office!
3. Laughter with colleagues. It's nice to be back.
4. Good friends. I'm so fortunate to have so many, scattered all over. Y'all rock.
5. Creative dinners. Nothing as funas throwing a bunch of disparate ingredients together, adding heat and drinking a glass of wine. (Come to think of it, maybe that's why summers are such fun!)

Comments

Stephanie said…
I would like to call dibs on some homemade pierogi. Shipping might be a problem, but we can figure it out. )

And you're mid-month. Of course it's the time when you want to abandon ship. Give it three more days and a taste of the finish line, and all will be well!
Rahree said…
Stephanie - you were totally right. Put in 4k towards nanowrimo, and might keep writing a little bit after dinner. Hot damn! (I totally owe you pierogi for the pep talk...we will figure it out, for sure.)
KPW said…
Write write write write write. The very idea of this is inconceivable to the rest of us. You've already done the impossible by embracing the challenge and starting the thing. And someone needs to memorialize the Twinkie extinction in fiction, and soon.
Rahree said…
YES. Keep the ideas a-comin'! I think today I'll make it to the same # of words that I made it to last year before I quit. Hoping to actually finish this year.

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