Taking solace in bad poetry magnets.

You know those days?

When the cold rain doesn't seem to ever stop, when the chill seeps into your bones?
When the little pick-me-ups that usually change your mood lose their magic?
When even good news is received guardedly, and bad news seems to be some kind of relief?
(Because, honestly, that's what you've been expecting all along.)

I've been singing Ani DiFranco's Done Wrong (over and over again) in my head for what seems like years.

I got a flu shot.
I gave up wine.
I gave up sugar.
I gave up exercising.
I took up wine again.

My heart told me one thing.
My head said the opposite.

My mom agreed with my head.
My husband agreed with my head.
My colleagues agreed with my head.
My friends agreed with my head.

My heart.
My heart is broken and indignant and desperate.

So I sit on the couch, evening news muted, playing out like a voracious too-bright silent film.
Warmed up lasagna, wine in a coffee cup.
Listening to the dog bark at something and nothing and maybe everything.

My heart.
My heart is broken.

*****
Boy, feeling powerless really is the most difficult thing to feel, isn't it? Skipping the 5 tonight, It'll be back soon. In the meantime? Here's a picture of a beluga whale.


Comments

Stephanie said…
I wish I'd read this sooner!!! These were my exact sentiments today. Should have known to think of Ani...:) Hope things are on the up!

Popular Posts