3.17.2015

WARNING: Navel Gazing Ahead.

It's funny - I think, if I took the time to go back through my archives (which I never do, which indicates that I likely am rewriting the same 5 posts every season) I'd see that late winter/early spring is the time when I try very hard to maintain a routine, to be less indulgent, more thoughtful, less material.

And likely I'd either find that I succeed 75% of the time or I'd notice huuuuuge gaps where I just 'forget' to write.

I've noticed lately that I say lots of really nasty things to myself. Not out loud, but they're there. And usually I banish them with ridiculous workout plans or draconian eating plans.

(They all serve as a distraction until the Summer People arrive and my life ceases to be my own. And then all bets are off.)

This year, instead of vowing to get skinny or eat vegan or workout every day until the end of time or any of those things? I'm going to be OK with being chubby and wheezy for the time being. I'm going to move so that I feel good. I'm going to try to be ridiculously nice to the people I love and with whom I spend time. I'm going to try to get rid of this negative talk that tells me I'm dumb/lazy/unworthy - not that I want to stagnate or think I'm all that & a bag of chips, because Lord knows I have miles to go...but I'm tired of constantly feeling that I'm somehow not quite good enough.

(So much for growing out of that whole insecurity thing in my teens, eh?)

Here's to chucking out the voice that says "Hm. Well, maybe next time you'll get it." and embracing the one that chuckles "That. That is a beautiful mess you've made!"