Struggling for a silver lining

I'm usually a Pollyanna. I like to believe the best in people and circumstances. When crappy stuff happens I give myself a day to wallow/feel sad and then try to get myself out of it.

The framework isn't working so well this month.

The little dog had surgery for a torn meniscus.

The big dog had surgery to remove a mass, that turned out to be a nasty, fast moving cancer. (Here's a bit of silver for that lining - the cancer was caught early, and the treatment he's on should give us more time with him.)

My pulled hip flexor turned out to be a deformed bone and a significantly torn hip socket. Not muscular after all.

Members of my family and tribe are struggling with things, personal and professional.

Ray and Don at our wedding in '03
But the true kickers? The game changers? The real tragedies?

We lost my husband's sweet Uncle Ray the Sunday after Thanksgiving.
We lost my husband's dad, my wonderful father-in-law Don last night.

At this point who even can know what to do?

Yes, the sunsets are still beautiful. Butter and wine still taste delicious. (and yes, between that and less time at the gym (see: hip) my pants are indeed a little bit tight) And I am delightedly distracted by holiday pictures of babies and families and engagements and celebrations.

But mostly I'm stuck between feeling numb, wanting to be helpful without knowing how, and wondering if terrible things really do come in threes and should I be preparing myself for the last shoe to drop?

If there is a silver lining in all of this, it has something to do with kindness. So many people have been so thoughtful this winter, especially this last month. Old friendships have been rekindled, family relationships deepened...my heart is so grateful for those kindnesses, for those conversations and thoughtful acts. And I'm taking solace in the fact that I am decidedly not alone in struggling... seems like more people than not are also finding some sticking points here at the end of 2017.

So let's ride out 2017 together, friends. And let's let our inner Pollyannas dream of a ridiculously lovely 2018.






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